- Me: Ugh! So much social angst!
- Tom: 2 minutes ago you were excited for this
- Me: I'm a girl and that was a mood swing. I have a whole playground full of them.
And there’s only a few spaces left in the classes I need
Thank goodness I have a cute boy to distract me from imminent doom.
Seriously, how the heck is my brother less than 2 weeks away from graduation? And the majority of the people that I graduated high school with are now graduating from college. I can’t tell if time is speeding up or slowing down. I see classmates occasionally, but today was particularly mind bending.
A particular guy that I graduated with came in to my place of work and happened to say hello. The first thing I noticed was his lack of hair. (I remember when we were lab partners in AP chem his shoulder-length waves were always getting in the way.) I asked him what prompted his change in hairstyles and he told me that it was because of the chemo. He had gotten a tumor removed above his aorta a couple months ago but now he is doing well. Pardon me, but the thought of the incredible MD having cancer is just ridiculous! CANCER? The adorable indie rock star with the hair you just want to run your fingers through? The boy that planned to become a genius scientist with me in second grade after he spilled his juice on me? He has chemotherapy treatments? What. The. Fuck.
How does this happen? I don’t even know. I thought that we wouldn’t have conversations about this until we were older.
Medical science advances in leaps and bounds every day, but I don’t want to have to wait another minute for cancer to be outdated and irrelevant like polio is today. I see the disease cut down relatives, mentors, and friends. It just doesn’t end.
It has been two months. At first it seemed like nothing would be alright, but I’m realizing more every day that things will be okay. My family is not out on the street. Financial aid makes it possible for my brother and I to realize our dreams. Sure, this summer will be a lot of work, and even more than that, it will be a trial for the ties that keep what remains a family. The fact that is slowly dawning on me is that everything will eventually work out.
I really don’t know what I’d do without my friends that put up with my weirdness, crying, ranting, etc. Thanks for being there for me.
I’m not saying I’m 100% over things, but at least I’m heading in the right direction. Maybe I’ll get the guts to talk to him sometime and ask him all the residual questions that make me question my worth, but I’m just taking things one day at a time.
All I want to do is go back to school. I just want to selfishly go back and remove myself from the whole situation. I will then proceed to selfishly throw myself into my studies so that I can selfishly graduate and get a job that enables me to selfishly live alone and free from the control or influence of someone else. It’s days like today that make me see why some women never want to get married or have kids.
I’m hoping to be less jaded when I’ve had more time to deal with this, but to be completely honest all I want to do is go back to school.
Dear you (and you know who you are)
SERIOUSLY?!? You’re just giving up like that? You can just say, “I don’t wanna do this anymore” and then just disappear? “I don’t want the responsibility.” How about I don’t want to put up with your bullshit. YOU are a GROWN MAN. Act like it.
I’ve known you for over 10 years, and after I finally feel like I could trust you and look up to as a role model, you’re just going to walk out.
The last time I have seen her this upset was at her brother’s funeral service. HER BROTHER’S FUNERAL. And now, you have made a wreck of her. I’m not going to be able to be here to help her put herself back together. And don’t even get me started on what you’ve done to him. The kid who never shows his emotions? The one who is now having trouble dealing with getting up and going to school? DO YOU EVEN HAVE A FUCKING CLUE WHAT YOU’VE DONE?
I trusted you and I seriously wish I hadn’t. It wouldn’t feel like this.
It’s been a crazy week. It’s not over yet. Hopefully in about 12 hours I will be on my way home from school. But, most importantly I got my dream job this week.
I’m gonna be an RA! I officially have a building assignment and everything!
And some people may say “Ugh, why would you WANT to do that?” and I can honestly say that I love my RA and as much as she has helped me transition to my life here, I want to be able to pass on my love of this place to others. Words really can’t say how much I wanted this job and now that I have it, I can’t wait till I start in the fall.
Also, I am really enjoying the new friends I’m making this semester. I love my friends that I live with in my hallway, but spending too much time together doesn’t benefit any of us. I feel so positive about life today!
Day 16: Something New
Ummmm… not really sure about something new. I can’t tell you the last time I bought something photo worthy that’s “new”. It is new that I’m trying to loosen up about life but you can’t really take a photo of that now can ya? All I can say is that life is good and I don’t worry about the rest of it.
Also, pic is from Oglaf. It’s a FANTASTIC webcomic, a very dirty webcomic but a very good very dirty webcomic
Day 11: Something that makes you happy
Well, there are lots of things I could put under here. My life philosophy is basically to enjoy the little things in life, because otherwise the big things in life seem less important. So, my pictures are of two things. The first is a picture of me and two of my closest friends ringing in the new year. I love my friends! The second is a tiny boat I made while volunteering at a science center. I spent the day showing kids cool little science experiments to demonstrate how truly awesome the world of science is. Nerdy things like that really make me happy.